I've never been one for managing the following in an acceptable manner:
*any further words along this vein you would care to add, INSERT HERE
It's been a problem of mine since I was a wee young thing.
When I was 17 I briefly dated - and I use this term loosely - a boy named Justin. His last name eludes me, otherwise I would most certainly print it. It's certainly through no respect of another man's privacy. Especially when said male is a giant douche.
Back in the days-o-highschoolhell Justin and I were set up by a mutual friend and began our short-lived romance via AOL.*
*By the way, there are to be no AOL judgments here. This was 1997 and AOL was how The Teens communicated. It was all fun and innocent until the day I learned what it meant when someone asked you to 'cyber.' But I digress.
Justin and I spent three whole entire weeks chatting via the wonder that is Instant Messenger. Finally, we agreed to meet. And not just any ol' meet, either. We were to have a DATE. A real, live DATE. After three more of these aforementioned Real Live Dates, Justin and I were officially GOING OUT. Oh. My. Gaw. *eyes all aflutter.
Well, we were officially going out until his psycho Notsoex-girlfriend decided to repeatedly Instant Messenger me and threaten my very existence.
After 2 weeks of Teenage Harassment Via AOL, and after I caught Justin lying about paying conjugal visits to The Notsoex, I broke things off with Mr. Bloober.*
*I've assigned Justin the last name of Bloober because it is sufficiently stupid and petty.
So what did I do? Well, I wasn't terribly heartbroken, but I was most definitely pissed. So I planned a bit of revenge on Justin and The Notsoex.
After a consultation with my good buddy Matteo we decided The Notsoex needed a lesson learnt her. So, again via the world of Instant Messenger, Matteo sic'ed his wily charms on the unsuspecting Notsoex, flirting with her mercilessly until she finally agreed to meet with him. Whereby he played her like, well, any string instrument you can happen to think of, and led that ugly horse to water.
Now, I know the saying says that though you may LEAD that horse to water, you certainly can't make him DRINK. But THIS HORSE most definitely wanted to take a drink. In fact, the aforementioned horse's arse, or The Notsoex, was all about taking a deep dive into that body of water. Pelvis first.
And while at first glance Matteo had been proffering that body of water for a big ol gulping drink, well, sometimes that body o water is just a wavering mirage.
In short, and because I've been using too many clichés, Matteo dangled his goodies and then YANKED THAT TASTY MORSEL OUT OF HER GRASP.
Or so I thought.*
*Someone was so about to learn me a valuable life lesson.