Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Waxing On

To say I've been mildly disinterested in the goings-on of daily life would be a mild understatement and if there's anything I abhor, it's a statement that could have been adjectivified to death. And wasn't. It's like leaving a baby to starve. Or eating picked eggs from the gas station.

I can't think of any witty or humorous transitions for the non-post I'm about to compile, so you'll just have to bear with me. Or move along. My apathy level is right on par with that of a coked up hooker and besides, there's only like sixteen of you out there. I know this because I occasionally check my sitemeter, which is how (transition approaching) I came up with the following: A twisted look into what, exactly, leads people to this site. Obviously the Google team and I need to sit down and have a little chat.

Search words that have, however unfortunately, led people to birdsovafeather:

Prickly feeling after injecting crystal (My personal opinion? A dirty needle and a raging case of herpes.)

Hi, my name's Max and I'm an adrenaline junkie. I need my adrenaline shot every day. (Starbucks is on every corner, douche.)

Big black jumping roach indoors (Hmm. Pesticide and/or a large shoe should take care of that.)

Is it proper ettyqet {sic} to wear shit hose with brown shoes (I have no idea. But then, I don't own many pairs of hose made out of shit.)

Plunger game. (What the fuck.)

What kind of poison can make a hamster die and bleed out of mouth and nose? (Well, I'd be curious to know if you're trying to kill your pet or just ascertain the manner of death. Either way, it's a hamster. LET IT GO.)

"felt the bump" + "ran over" (So, you had a little accident with your ex-girlfriend, did you? Ran her over in the parking lot? Wanting to know if "feeling the bump" qualifies you for legal ramifications? Now, I know I watch too much CSI, but I'm pretty sure you're fucked.)

llama + "stomach acid" (I have no idea, but I'm pretty sure this person was researching biological weapons.)

8 pills singel doze clamydia {sic} (Obviously our educational system is falling below par. If you can't even spell "single" correctly, I can't imagine how you could keep yourself STD-free.)

fetish of wiping poop (Having wiped a lot of asses in my day, I cannot fathom how this would be appealing on a sexual level.)

Crystal light turns my poop red (Stop drinking red Crystal Light. Problem solved.)

Cutting a cake and screaming out the demons (I think this person might be in need of some serious psychological evaluation.)

I have a marble stuck in my throat (Deary Precious Baby Jesus, please send your army of angels to strike this person dead.)

Can a peanut get stuck in my esophagus? (Yes.)

4 comments:

Jason said...

You killed the Facebook? Interesting stalker story?

My verification word for this comment was "snfag"...

Kid Fury said...

I can just imagine the people that come here looking for information about hamsters... shiver.

Glad to see you back. It's all about the play on words for me ;)

Drunken Chud said...

heh. gotta love google.

Texas Roxy said...

It's a good thing I was directed to your journal by a friend. I can't imagine what I would have typed in Google other than "alien baby + moth + toilet." I'll never forget that one, I laughed until I cried. :D