Awkwardly forward

I didn’t really make good on my promise to finish talking up the events of last year by the time last year was actually over, so I can’t give myself a gold star for Completion of Goal. But I give myself a gold star anyway, because I can, because I’M THE MAKER OF THE GOLD STARS, DAMMIT.

The new year came in with relative quiet, just a clink of some champagne glasses filled with sparkling white grape juice. My friends don’t drink and as it turns out, neither do I. Not really, not anymore. Stomach and I reached a tender truce towards the end of last year and part of our agreement was no more lettuce, no more beer and no more questionable meats. Not that I was a big questionable meat eater or anything- but it’s not like Chinese food comes with a Certified Chicken Meat Stamp. And now I’ve gone and insulted the Chinese food-makers, awesome. But seriously, if anyone has some contacts at Nu Fun Ree, could you let them know that I used to love the shit out of them but since their move downtown it’s like they go out of their way to incite stomach rioting? Thanks.

Since then (“then” being the New year, not the stomach rioting) I’ve threatened to quit my job, received a job offer, declined said job offer, received a raise and a promotion and suffered through influenza type A. In the beginning I made lots of jokes about the type A flu, how it might obsessively balance my checkbook or ferociously scrub the toilet. But the flu was a nasty, mean-spirited bitch and I’m keeping my insults to a minimum. Karma and all.

Anyway, since I so obviously flubbed my previous goal I’m setting a new one- posting at least once a week. Because the interwebs needs some more mindless rambling and useless drivel. [Insert emoticon of your choice] I sort of let the internet go last year, not deliberately, but because I got a little sad. And crazy.

Apparently that’s a winning combination.