Friday, October 07, 2005

Re: Freaktastic

So lately I've had this obsession with Maine.

Yes, the state.

The really cold one in the very northeast corner. The one where it snows like, oh, I dunno, FOR YEARS without cease.

But I want, no, NEED to go there. I've never been there, so I can't say it's because I want to smell the special Maine smell or see the special Maine shore. It's not like I've got some poignant memory embedded in my brain from days long past.

Nope. But the NEED, the URGE is so strong I almost took off work last week to drive 24.4 hours to Portland, Maine. I also looked at flight schedules, bus schedules- I even researched renting horses for the trip.

Ok, the last one's a lie. But the rest are true. $368 for a plane ticket. $324 for a bus pass. 9 tanks of gas (round trip) at $35 a pop = $315.

But I fought it. Fought the urge. And the urge has now calmed down. But I can still feel it at the base of my back, sometimes pushing up to tingle between my shoulder blades.

It's horrible, this feeling. I want to go. But what THE FUCK IS IN MAINE????

LOBSTER???

I DON'T EVEN *LIKE* LOBSTER THAT MUCH.

Ugh.

I so wish we got memo's. It would look like this:


To: Birdie
From: PowersThatBe
Re: Maine Tingle

It has come to our attention that you may be experiencing some precipitous leanings, commonly referred to as "urges" involving a trip to Maine. These leanings were planted in your spine so that you may take a trip of self-exploration and meet an old man in downtown Portland by the name of Big Sam who will teach you the meaning of life.

We at ThePowersThatBe hope this memo will clarify the "urges" you have been experiencing. Please don't hesitate to contact us should you have any further questions.

Sincerely,

Bill Gustenstaf
Assistant to ThePowersThatBe
Starry Walkway, Universe 01202355-8

10 comments:

Yoj said...

Oh my God-- you're hilarious.

I've always wanted to go to Maine too. Yknow Stephen King lives in Maine right?

Yep. You should go. Pick me up! We'll make it a weekend!

Joey said...

Birdie,

I fully know what your going through - those Powerthatbe have often sent me the "urges" but they never sent the money needed to go onward with those so-called urges!

Carl from L.A. said...

I had urges like that when I was your age, and my urges eventually took me to all 50 states.

If you can do it, do it.

Maine has some beautiful parts, but I like Vermont much, much better.

Jbsss said...

Birdie,
Its been too long since I stopped by. How you been?

Anywho...Your post.

GO! Read any great story or adventure. It starts a lot like. "I had this unknown call an urge to do (insert whatever) and then I did it and this is how my story/adventure began."

Dont let the powers that be dictate your life.

Oh. BTW! I am so glad you are still blogging. You are one of the most perceptive people that has the ability to write down those things and write them well. Take care!

John

Oswald Croll said...

Wow, first NYC then Maine......the urges keep coming. Can´t wait to see where you want to go next.....

Oswald Croll said...

I love it when birdie gets urges, we never know where they´ll take her or what they´ll make her do. Never a dull moment.

Sun Rider said...

Seriously go. Maine is one of my favorite states. If you like wildlife and the outdoors, you cannot find a better place than Acadia National Forest. You can drive the entire state in a day, but you will miss so much. Just remember, get gas if it is available!

meghansdiscontent said...

You are beyond crazy.
But I was so completely serious at lunch the other day.
We SHOULD go.
When is the last time we did something for ourselves?
Honestly.

Perhaps instead of our tentative plan to take a Spring Break kind of thing to the beach, we should pack sweaters instead of swimsuits.
Maine sounds great.
In fact, as far away from here as we can get sounds beyond wonderful.

Tokyo too far for you?

Anonymous said...

Dear Birdsovafeather;

I found your website from a link on the Unknown Naughty Girls site, and I am a Maine resident. If you want to see the best that Maine has to offer you have to go a lot farther than Portland. Maine's Eastern Coast is beautiful. Between fishing villages like Cutler and Lubec to coastal "cities" like Bar Harbor and Ellsworth. Downeast Maine is the place to go...

Anonymous said...

Dear Birdsovafeather;

I found your website from a link on the Unknown Naughty Girls site, and I am a Maine resident. If you want to see the best that Maine has to offer you have to go a lot farther than Portland. Maine's Eastern Coast is beautiful. Between fishing villages like Cutler and Lubec to coastal "cities" like Bar Harbor and Ellsworth. Downeast Maine is the place to go...