Tuesday, September 19, 2006

This Hotel Lets Birds Fly In Their Lobby. Did I Mention HOW MUCH I HATE BIRDS?

Amanda and I went to the hotel pool last night, the indoor one that's surrounded by trees that are probably fake. All in an attempt to make you feel like you're outside, only without the SEARING HEAT and TOTAL LACK OF BREEZE.

It was deserted at 9:30 so we headed downstairs for a little splishy splashy. Inside the enclosed arena we threw our key cards and coverups on the benches and Amanda was quick like bunny and made her way to the edge of the pool, quickly stepping into the water and just as quickly stepping herself right out.

She claimed it was cold but I figured she was crazy, I mean, HELLO, it's an indoor pool. What kind of indoor pool isn't heated?

Apparently that one.

But I was brave and waded in to my waist, at which point I decided that was as far as I was going. About that time I noticed a strange noise coming from the end of the pool, sort of a grating humming noise. The longer I stayed in, the louder it got. I had mental images of being sucked into the pool filter and being spit back out as a tangled cheese grater like mess.

But the noise got louder and I just couldn't stand it so I told Amanda that the Langoliers were coming and it was time to roll up on out.

This isn't at all funny but it's a reasonable segue into the fact that our hotel has a total lack of free internet (stingy bastards) and this irregular scheduled programming will return, um, like Friday? Or Saturday? Whatever. I'm totally going to go sleep now.

Almost forgot: our hotel has an 'Adult Menu' on the television and Amanda called me up on Sunday night to laughingly tell me that our porn choices for the evening were "Titty Titty Bang Bang," "MILF and Cookies," or "Double Slut Sandwich."

6 comments:

Jason said...

"Titty Titty Bang Bang," "MILF and Cookies," or "Double Slut Sandwich."

Man, that is a tough choice...

Carl from L.A. said...

My favorite porn title recently is "The Da Vinci Load"

Drunken Chud said...

i thought it was titty titty gang bang. heh. and yeah, when the langoliers are coming, you gotta make tracks. can't say i blame you for that one.

Adam said...

So tell us, oh, holidaying one, do you hate birds because of your name or despite it?

duckie said...

I'll have a double slut sandwich with NO pickles please.

Cindy-Lou said...

Oh, go for the sandwich, for sure. It's a mind scramble.