Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Calgon Done Took Me Away

Theoretically, my New Years could have been very exciting. I’d purchased a dress, a stunning one actually. New shoes. Pretty jewelry. And then Kasi called me at 8:15am to tell me she’d contracted the dreaded Stomach Death which, as I personally know, involves at least 15 hours of compulsive vomiting and many hours of delicate conversation with your stomach. It’s very easy to misread Stomach. Sometimes he may say that he’d like some jell-o when in fact he wants nothing at all to do with jell-o. Stomach just meant that at some future point in time he’d like jell-o, but definitely not NOW, what the hell were you thinking putting that down your gullet?

And then I went and misread the portion on the back of my new medicine bottle that says, in stern block letters, Take With Food. In my defense, I did take it with food. A small can of mandarin oranges. Because this, my friends, is definitely food. Tasty and delicious food. Not so tasty on the way back up, because they kind of form one giant gloopy mandarin orange that threatens to clog your nasal cavity. Do not pretend you don’t have nose vomit because I know you do. Just accept it and move on.

As such, I was in no mood for an evening of festivities and neither was Kasi. So I spent the Eve watching reruns of CSI (the original Las Vegas one, not the one with the abominably creepy David Caruso) until 4am because they kept showing these To Be Continued episodes. Naturally, I had to make sure that Nick made it out of the glass box alive and that Grissom would somehow incorporate his expansive bug knowledge into the plotline.

In other news, I have named my new kitty Josephine. Not Gidget or Sugar Monkey or even Bobo, as suggested by the Arabian Dumbass. Josephine is sweetness personified. Like pancakes in a cuddly furry form. However, she and her upper respiratory infection are also money personified. Two emergency vet visits = depleted checking account.

If anyone has any money making schemes they’d like to suggest, I’m totally game.

And I’d like to move here. Should anyone know of a way to make money while writing mindless drivel on the internet without the following of dooce, please let me know. I could use a cottage lifestyle in Spain.


Kid Fury said...

Hmm, with a record posting of sickness and medication, you might get lucky with a pharma that would pay to advertise here?

That or an indie film dealing with the affects of said medications. Could be like 'Super size me' mixed with Pink Floyd. =)

Glad you're feeling better!

Carl from L.A. said...

Cottage lifestyle in Spain is sometimes known as Retirement.

What happened to Maine?

New Year's Eve by my house is downright dangerous. People shooting guns, kids lighting fireworks, head-on traffic collisions. My mom visited and I made her stay over.

duckie said...

you could always start hooking agin. You know what kind of money that brings in.

Drunken Chud said...

david caruso is teh devil.