Wednesday, April 23, 2008

On a walk with my pregnant friend Lily, who has since given birth:

"I lost my mucus plug on Saturday."
"Party foul. "
"I called Natalie to ask her if it should look like a 'roid loogie and she said yes, so I guess all I've got left is the bloody show before my water breaks."
"Is Marilyn Manson going to perform?"
"It's not really that bloody, just sort of, you know, a show. Of blood. Just a little Hiieeeey! It's meee! Bloody Show! right before all the hip spreading and birth canaling. But then the nurse gives you drugs and all is well. My husband gets to live another day."
"I support you in this drug business. I talked to my mom about all this and I found out she gave birth to me AND my brother without drugs. She's way more hardcore than I realized. But I was a fairly small baby so maybe it wasn't that bad."
"How big was your brother?"
"Over ten. He was nearly a month overdue."
"I kind of want to send a sympathy card to your mom's vagina."

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

My birthday was yesterday. Neat, huh?

So yet again I'm here in The Frozen Tundra, watching whatever tom fuckery television the network executives have decided to broadcast over the airwaves. Currently my options are endless. I can paint my nails, read a book, eat some strangely unsalted hot and spicy peanuts or nibble on the leftovers of my pistachio-crusted salmon, compliments of room service. I can also watch neverending episodes of Law & Order and HELLO, can we talk about how many episodes of this show are sitting in a vault somewhere? I used to watch reruns back in college and that was eight years ago.

I think I'm going to paint my nails. WHILE watching Law & Order. I'm a multi-tasking fool.