Wednesday, April 23, 2008

On a walk with my pregnant friend Lily, who has since given birth:

"I lost my mucus plug on Saturday."
"Party foul. "
"I called Natalie to ask her if it should look like a 'roid loogie and she said yes, so I guess all I've got left is the bloody show before my water breaks."
"Is Marilyn Manson going to perform?"
"It's not really that bloody, just sort of, you know, a show. Of blood. Just a little Hiieeeey! It's meee! Bloody Show! right before all the hip spreading and birth canaling. But then the nurse gives you drugs and all is well. My husband gets to live another day."
"I support you in this drug business. I talked to my mom about all this and I found out she gave birth to me AND my brother without drugs. She's way more hardcore than I realized. But I was a fairly small baby so maybe it wasn't that bad."
"How big was your brother?"
"Over ten. He was nearly a month overdue."
"I kind of want to send a sympathy card to your mom's vagina."


Carl from L.A. said...

This whole baby business is much overrated.

oakland heidi said...

All the vaginas deserve sympathy cards that go through birth. Crazy. CRAZY.

Oh, and by the way... I received a card from one of my childhood friends letting me know that she is getting married in little rock on May 31st and that if I'm in tha area I should come. RANDOM. I think we will be there on the 30th. Are we on for drinks????

Drunken Chud said...

while the vaginas do deserve sympathy cards... what about the men who have to deal with the destroyed vagine? i mean, you can't just take it to a local mechanic and have him buff it out and take out a collision claim.

rob said...

"I lost my mucus plug on Saturday."
"Party foul. "

I've missed you so much.