I'm having a problem
I think I might die
Yesterday, while tanning
My nips became fried
It all started when
My friends became tanner
And me, well I stayed
white like surrender's banner
So I carried my ass
To the tanning bed place
To make sure that ghosts
Did not scream at my face
I layed in the beds
So light and so warm
Until I felt like
The bees started to swarm...
Over my tender
Most white private parts
It felt like the bees
Were throwing poison filled darts
Now they're itchy, they're hot
And it's making me blue
I want it to stop,
Don't you, DON'T YOU???
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- birdie
- My name is [redacted] and I'm reclaiming just a bit of my anonymity. I was not harassed by identity theives or stalkers, but have learned that Google is 50% your enemy. I work at an undisclosed location in a green cubicle. I hate bird noises, alien movies and chapped lips. I am consistently mildly cranky. But at least I'm consistent.
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The Dusty Archives
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2005
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May
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- Book
- Becca's brother, HE IS HOME (for a few days, at le...
- Ode to Nips
- Today: I want to run away.
- The Cocaine, it is Free
- Holy Catpoop, Batman.I so DID NOT GET THE FUCKING ...
- I should have been a crack dealer-- Maybe then I w...
- 49. When I was 7 I was a Brownie (Girl Scouts for...
- I promise this will be over soon.
- Again, she says?
- Tennis
- When hosting a company-wide meeting, it is not amu...
- Future Chinese Food
- The Brad Pitt Factor
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May
(14)
38 comments:
that is my favorite poem ever. EVER.
That just rocked my socks. She's a Southerner, a poet, tanned (after a sense) and a fan of Hall of the Mountain King. I'm impressed~
Damn! duckie beat me again!!!
You do rock girl! :D
And again with the poison darts!?!
Allow me to help with some lotion!!
whoops!
*clean up on aisle 7*
Awesome Awesome Awesome!
Birdie girl... lotion those nips! I've been there, it hurts and it's not so pretty!
Aw *blushes* thanks (to everyone)
badpatty: Did you just compare me to THE WHO? HOLY CRAP. I'm way cooler than I thought...
sqg- Duckie beat you again, but then, maybe he's a little quick off the gun?? heh. I hear 409 gets that stain right out.
duckie: wow, this is so sudden (she gushes) I ACCEPT. we'll live down the street from my mom and she'll come over EVERY DAY and we can see them ALL THE TIME and, just for putting up with the in-laws, i may take care of that Staff or you. Once or twice a day, at least.
w00t! You're a good man, duckie.
But what's the rest of your harem going to say about this marraige thingy!?!
Aw shit! Typo police are gonna bust me on that one!
Shit! -lol
Poem rocks out
But basis of poem pisses me off a bit. Between you and Becca I don't want to hear anymore about "poor pitiful me, I have no money".
If you can afford skin cancer, you can afford Target jewlry.
damn, duckie... i thought we had something... *sob*
birdie, can i get sloppy seconds? :P
i can't afford target jewelry BECAUSE i'm tanning. i can't do both- duh. I'm poor. I just decided to eat ramen and boxed noodles this month because i was disgusting myself with my whiteness.
I'm just dealing with the whiteness. I can't fathom (personal here, NOT judging you) paying for something I can get for free ... that might kill me later on. Besides I'm like 400 times more likely to get skin cancer now because I LIVED in the sun all those summers that I managed the pool, lifeguarded, taught swimming lessons and coached swim team. I was at the outdoor pool from LITERALLY 5:30 a.m. until 1:00 a.m. every day.
As for the ramen noodle thing . . . Donna (AKA, mother dearest) lost her GD mind and bought like a freakin GROSS of Ramen noodles and sent them to my house in her benevolence. PLEASE tell me you want some!
well, yeah, i can sit in the sun for free BUT WHERE THE HELL AM I GONNA DO THAT? in my bathing suit on my back (shady, literally and figuratively) porch? HELL NO. and it gets done quicker in a tanning bed.
here that duckie? it gets done QUICKER. but you're not quick, are you? because i have plans for you later. (rubs hands together gleefully)
and bring on the noodles, ho. i'm poor. you got the memo.
This poem was awesome,
and the words so descriptive.
Can tanning be fun?
Or in whiteness we all live?
The poem was great,
but my entertainment,
was from being so very late,
seeing the cwazy kids comment.
Marriage proposals, harems and sharing,
getting jiggly with it and being all daring,
these are the things that make it way fun,
you're all retarded, thanks a big ton.
what a FABULOUS comment adam!
poor, poor nips!
i keep spilling stuff on my keyboard from laughing so hard. must move cups away from computer.
please don't hurt your cute self! i would be devastated!
though, maybe i can get you some sippie cups. i hear those are coming back in style. :)
That poem rocks. You should publish that. You Da-BOMB!!
quit teasing me with your manliness duckie. it's unfair.
SIXTY MINUTES??? Who can go SIXTY MINUTES??? WHAT ARE YOU-- THE BIONIC PENIS?
Here I sit
typing away,
lusting again
on another day.
The babes are so plentiful
over at duckies place,
And lord, all I ask is for just one
to sit on my face.
They are all so hot
and they know this I suppose,
As do they know, all of the guys
are sitting there
and probably exposed.
Shit!
I just spit coffee
all over my screen,
again laughing so hard
at all that I've seen.
So do hear this
duckie and friends,
This online lusting
is definitely the hottest of trends.
w00t!
ok. we don't have to play fair. JUST YOU WAIT.
You won't last SIX MINUTES.
sqg-- HOLY CRAP--- a fabulous photoshop job and NOW THIS?? you are apparently a man of man talents (wink, wink)
"Won't last 6 minutes?"
Now there's a challenge I'm up for!
my sweet frineds darling nips. i will lay my hands upon you and free you from the pain! may your nips be healed!
hmm. and suddenly THEY DO FEEL BETTER. must've been the laying of the hands. i shouldh have thought of that sooner.
yoj-- i'm raising my imaginary cold glass of pacifico in your direction-- HERE'S TO YOJ AND TO BEER AND TO HOT, ITCHY NIPS! AND TO LILY FOR LAYING HANDS ON THE NIPS AND HEALING THEM! AND TO DUCKIE FOR FANTASIZING ABOUT THE NIPS! AND TO GRACE FOR BEING THERE TO LICK OFF MY DROOL! AND TO SQG FOR MAKING MY CAMPAIGN POSTERS!
UNITE!
Duckie- are we still married today? Because I was quite disapointed in the honeymoon night. NO ACTION WHATSOEVER.
omg. i need a beer right now.
*droool*
no action on your honeymoon?
damn, duckie. that's lame.
um, were you laying on your back selling hello to Rosy Palmer? Maybe got a little too involved...got a little bit of sheet stuck up your ass?
CUZ I SO WASN'T THERE.
Well, maybe there was mutual fantasizing, at the same time, BUT I SAW NO LIVE DUCKIE IN MY HOME LAST NIGHT.
Speaking of, can we get on a mutual fantasizing schedule? AT 9pm CST the fantasizing will commence, unless that conflicts with your schedule of course.
So.. birdie,
just how many of us can fit into this mutual fantasizing schedule??
*pant pant*
9 CST! Ok.
But I'll be soooo embarrassed if you guys just leave me hanging!?!
And congrats girl! 38 comments! I'm sure that's a birdie record!
And still going.
Sex is such a great thing in every respect!
Are we all invited? What is 9 CST in GMT+10?!? Is it Birdie versus everyone or are some of the other chickees going to step up?
You talking to me or birdie?? -lol
it's a party and we're all coming? :P
Thanks for showing up grace.
I didn't want it to be just me and duckie.
That's just fucked up!
oh, wait... i don't want to ruin birdie's 3some. hehe...
uhm... i wouldn't... know about that... duckie...
uhm. i totally wouldn't... uhm...
i gotta go.
Wait a sec.... what just happened?
Are there any stories to be shared?
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