Diversion + Subversion = Assclown

I kind of like coming in to work early. The main lights stay off until a little after eight and the light from my window is perfect at seven. Of course, it’s overcast today and this may be why I say the light is perfect because if it was seven and the sunlight was singing songs from Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’ then I’d be very unhappy. Also, the sparse population of coworkers that roll in early come equipped with this look of horror and some leftover bed-squishy face and I can rest assured that no one is going to make an unnecessary comment until at least 7:45.

Also, I got to see a coworker come in with split pants this morning. As in, split right down the posterior, about four inches of starched white shirt pouching out. And while I laughed a little, I had to extend a bit of sympathy in his direction because I did this two days before my vacation:



I managed to walk across the parking lot, through four security doors, up an elevator, across my office floor, to the coffee maker and then to my friend’s office where I sat down in her extra chair. She turned to me and I watched her face kind of tighten in confusion as she said “Um, Robin?” and I looked down to find the one gold shoe and the one black shoe. In less than a second, she’d whipped out her camera phone and snapped the picture, capturing for all time my wardrobe malfunction.

Speaking of camera phones, I tried to convince a guy I work with to take a picture of the pant-splitting debacle but he told me no. He can’t have another man’s ass on his phone, he said.