Saturday, July 09, 2005

Bouncy.

I would like to voice a complaint.

Why is it that if my bra size is of a CERTAIN SIZE I am confined to plain jane bras?

What if I want to wear pretty bras?

I have pretty underoos.

So why not bras?

And before you think I'm that girl, complaining "Oh, my boobs, they are just SO BIG, I can't stand it! Ooooo!" <--said with sorority girl voice I'M VOICING A VALID COMPLAINT HERE, NOT DRAWING ATTENTION TO MY BRA SIZE, THANK YOU.

The pretty bras, they go up to size 36D, sometimes 38D if you're really lucky. There's even a 36DD for those women who either a) pad their bras b) have leetle waists and naturally giant bazoombas or d) have gotten their shit surgically enhanced.

BUT GOD FORBID THAT I GET TO WEAR A NICE, PRETTY, LACY BRA. NO. I'M STUCK WITH THE ONES THAT ASSUME THAT BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT JUGS, YOU'D LIKE TO BE COVERED UP TO YOUR COLLAR BONE IN BRA-AGE.

And now the new plain-fucking-jane bra I bought makes my boobs go in opposite directions. LIFT AND SEPERATE, PEOPLE. LIFT AND SEPERATE. Girls with tits don't need that shit squashed down and pointed sideways. UP AND OUT.

Ugh.

15 comments:

Jbsss said...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm booooooooobiess!

James said...

That sucks girl. You should send emails to the bra companies. You should be able to have lacy bras to match your panties. Having bigguns should not be a curse.

Adam said...

I don't get it, are you saying that you do, or don't fit into:

There's even a 36DD for those women who either a) pad their bras b) have leetle waists and naturally giant bazoombas or d) have gotten their shit surgically enhanced

Adam said...

P.S) It's way groovy to have you back!!

Carl from L.A. said...

Sometimes these life's minor (or, um, major) inconveniences just drive you crazy, don't they? I'm stuck having to deal with a planet full of dumb people.

Joey said...

Birdie,
I can R E L A T E.

I've had such a struggle with finding hot sexy bras; lately I've had a bit of success with one bra - ONE BRA. In this case I bought the one bra in many colors!
But I hate hate hate walking into VS and seeing all these hot adorable fucking bras - in cups, A, B, and possibly a C. Hello??!! What is wrong with these companies?
I just don't get it.

Murrye said...

i have the opposite problem. i go in VS and they never have my size (too small!). i don't know which one of us is worse off, but i feel your pain!

Adam said...

I don't know how you people live with those things.

Blue Skies from Pain said...

lol....lucky me..i'm 38c, so i can still fit in the cute stuff....

Badpatty said...

I feel you on this one (well, not really, 'cause you might object to that). Loner's in the same boat, and it's hard to shop for her. I have to pay double, sometimes triple to shop for her.

Yer still getting my vote this fall. Need any help boning up on the campaign ideas?

meghansdiscontent said...

Oh honey,

We so had this convo at my party, but again . . so with you.

At least you're just like a D. Imagine goin up a bit . . . you know, where I am.

And OH you start to think the chest exercises and gym 6 times a week will lower that boobage because ALL the skin and bones bitches said their tits were the first thing to go . . lies, all lies. My shit is actually bigger.

You do realize where our calling lies? We should be in the plus size clothing industry. I'm sure lots of busty broads are dying for someone to make a bra that doesn't resemble SAS shoes.

meghansdiscontent said...

Oh . . and meant to tell you. So noticed the other day that I could wear a size Large shirt . . . at least at my waist . . however, the old boobage plus the new muscles sticks me needing a size multi-X undershirt so my ugly bra and huge appendages aren't crying out "Heeeellllllllooooooooo boys"

birdie said...

HOLY CRAP if I were "just like a D" I'd tithe to the Boob Gods for AT LEAST six months. After which I'd become distracted with another body part not performing to model-like specifications. DAMN THE MAGAZINES, DAMN THEM.

Yeah, um, NO. "like a D" my ass. I haven't been a D since I started college. I refuse to go above DD even though George and Susie (yes freaks, i have named the boobs. you can't go your whole life and NOT name your boobs. especially when they weigh more than 2 arms and a leg put together) are spilling out. ugh.

meghansdiscontent said...

Oh ye of the bouncing boobage,

Your fans are clammoring for more wisdom. Why the fuck aren't you posting? You have a laptop, a car charger and a lunch break at the very least. And if you don't, damn the man and inform them you are REQUIRED by law to have a break.

birdie said...

b/c i only take 30 minutes for lunch as we are QUITE FUCKING BUSY and 30 min allows me time to scarf down a sammich and suck down a bottle of water before venturing back into the bat cave. :) one day... one day things will slow down and i may get a full nights sleep. one day i might also not have to work all the time, what with the nursery job and the regular job. uuuuuuuuuuggggh