Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Definitely Throw That One Back

Yesterday I was telling a friend of mine about how I had this urge to move to Iowa and get my MFA and I got this blank look followed by “What the hell is in Iowa?”

She may have a point, but it’s not like she, or anyone ‘round these here parts, can say anything because, hi, we live in Arkansas. A state that should for all intensive purposes be pronounced as ‘ar-can-sus’. And please, feel free to the emPHAsis on any sylLABle. But somewhere along the way, probably the point where the hill folk became known as hill folk and stopped caring about their lack of teeth, the state became ‘ar-can-saawww.’

It’s just I’m perfectly aware of the stigma this state has. Just like Idaho. What’s in Idaho? Potatoes. And Iowa? Corn. And Tennessee? A fucking lot of Elvis impersonators, that’s what.

So I get it, I get that some states are way cooler than others. Can you imagine a prime-time show about teenagers at Central High School? There’s one rich kid whose daddy thinks they need to experience a “mixed culture” and everybody else sports fashions from the sale rack at Target. That’s a far cry from the Gucci purse or Jimmy Choo shoes worn by the perma-bored cast members on “The O.C.” Also, there’s just something so infinitely less cool about flipping your 1996 Honda Civic as opposed your 2007 Range Rover.

Which is why, when I read stories like this, I get a little annoyed. First of all, who the fuck rolls around with a crossbow in the back of their SUV? And who picks up said crossbow and shoots it at another vehicle? God, what is wrong with people.

Though I will admit I laughed my ass off. Granted, wouldn’t have been laughing if some drunk country boy whipped out his crossbow on the interstate and shot out my back window. But funny nonetheless.


Carl from L.A. said...

I was a 10 year-old Chinese kid struggle to learn English when I learned to pronounce "Arkansas" for the first time. When we got down to Kansas, I went "Kan-saw"?

But you, Birdie, as the flag-bearing representative of the State of Arkansas in my mind (along with Miss Arkansas in The Miss USA Pageant and the U of A Razorbacks), have raised my impression of Ar-can-saawww favorably.

What the hell is in Iowa?

The O.C. is much overrated. I find more endearing qualities in the heartland than in L.A./O.C.

Like Drive-by Crossbow Shooting. It takes more passion and effort than shooting a gun.

YoJ said...

Um, only Memphis has the Elvis impersonators. Nashville has country music. Knoxville has UT and Pigeon Forge has Dolly Parton...

But still- I came from Detroit to Tennessee and

A crossbow?!

Somebody get those kids some Soy Latte's. Stat.

Jack said...

You go where the best graduate program is -- regardless of the location. If the best program was in Kuala Lumpur -- then, hey -- guess what? You'd be Malayasia bound.

And Iowa is ranked #1 in your field, Missy.