Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Give my regards to your ass

It's not that I hate my job.

It's just very.... monotonous.

And bureaucratic.

And so when they introduced a new shipping program into the routine, I ignored it. Along with a few of my fellow employees.

And so it came to the attention of the powers-that-be that groups of employees were not using the brand spanky new shipping program, designed to eliminate spelling errors, wrong addresses and the like when mailing out Fed-Ex, DHL and UPS envelopes.

We were covert groups of resistance waging a passive-aggressive guerilla warfare against The Man.

And so we were given a crash course on how to log in, how to open the program, how to click the various and asundry buttons that will later print out black-and-white barcoded sheets of paper designed to ease the way of the mailroom clerks.

My annoyance stemmed from the fact that because I'm mailing contracts back to dealers I'm not using the standard company account number (oh no sir. We charge that shit back to the homeboy who messed his shit up in the first place) and instead have to open A COMPLETELY SEPARATE PROGRAM to look up that dealership's account number then open ANOTHER COMPLETELY SEPARATE PROGRAM to look up what carrier that dealership uses.

You see my issue.

This shit wastes my time. I do not benefit from this. Therefore, it does not concern me.

So I ignore it. My team receives vaguely worded "updates" about the new shipping system and that if we have any questions, please feel free to contact The Computer Nazi at extension blah blah blah.

And still I ignore it.

UNTIL TODAY.

I come into work this morning to find, not a vaguely worded email, but an email sent directly to me and my supervisor, detailing my "UNACCEPTABLE" behavior in shipping out packages on hand-written forms.

And so my soft-spoken supervisor shuffles over after I've sat down and clocked in and softly reminds me that I'm supposed to use the shipping program since "they" are now monitoring all my packages that go out.

So just now, I've printed out a shipping label. All per The Computer Nazi's request. And I'm sending my package to a dealership that, oh, just HAPPENS to have a super-common name.

Whoopsie daisy.

I must have clicked the wrong button there, Mr. Computer Nazi. It appears that that contract was supposed to go to CALIFORNIA but somehow ended up in FLORIDA.

Hmph. How did that happen?

Fucker.

4 comments:

Adam said...

That, boys and girls, is a high quality post. Birdie, love your work!

Jbsss said...

Fortunatly I am the guy the Sheriff comes to ask about new software updates. If I think its a steaming pile of crap I say so and we don't get it. YAY!

John

Joey said...

Spectacular! Birdie that was quality!

meghansdiscontent said...

You're cracking me up, chick.
You're going to one day be fired.
Just hope you know that.
Become self employed like me. I'm giving myself every Friday off now! :) Yeah!

Also, read my new blog posting. I've decided to run for president. My radical ideas are going to change the world . .. and allow us NOT to pay for the lazy motherfuckers who refuse to work at Burger King because of pride but will let us give them a check for sitting on their ass and spitting kids out of their . .. other areas.

Much love, B.