Wednesday, December 21, 2005

The Chrismakwanzikuh Bounty. Or Booty, If You Will

*Things I have received since Monday, the official start of The Season:

3 candy canes
15 Hershey's kisses, assorted flavors
3 blocks of fudge
1 bag homemade chexmix
2 homemade Rice Krispy Treats
1 large santa head w/ gooey caramel center
1 plastic whistle straw with 3-dimensional santa heads on the stem
1 bag "Santa's Coal" gum
1 medium size milk chocolate santa

*Things I have given since Monday, the official start of The Season:

er. yes.

*Hours until my 13-day vacation begins:

1 hour, 55 minutes

*Number, on a scale of one-to-ten, indicating how stoked I am to get in a car with my family in which we will drive what SHOULD TAKE A NORMAL PERSON 2.2 hours but will really take 4.7 hours:

NEGATIVE FIFTY

*Number of things I will do on my vacation besides eating, sleeping and watching pointless television:

zero.

*How I feel about returning to work in 13 days:

apathetic

*How I plan to rectify this:

FIND A NEW JOB DUMBASS

*Number of friends and family members tired of listening to me bitch:

NONE BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW FUCKING COOL I REALLY AM.

*And just in cased you missed the fact that my THIRTEEN DAY VACATION STARTS IN ONE HOUR AND FIFTY-FIVE MINUTES--- Number, on a scale of one-to-ten indicating how stoked I am to be GOING ON A FUCKING THIRTEEN DAY VACATION:

10+infinity

PEACE OUT.

Oh, and Happy Religious Season Celebrating!

12 comments:

meghansdiscontent said...

You will NOT be bitching Thurs night! You will be receiving, with much relish, lots and lots of free drinks provided from ME, QUEEN OF ALL THINGS BARTENDED!

So excited you finally get some time off!! You need a break, even if it is to be around crazy, insane family!

Barry S. said...

Enjoy your vacation.

Happy Chrismakwanzikuh to you and yours!

Oh, and a good Festivus, too.

Jenni said...

Merry Christmas, Birdie!!!

oakland heidi said...

ahhh yes, the endless trapped in the car drive home. I will be doing that soon. ugghhh.

But a vacation, sweet sweet vacation. Mine starts in 35 minutes. I have not counted the days yet

(grabs calendar)

12 days. mmmm... You've got me beat by one. Enjoy your extra day of sleeping in.

Carl from L.A. said...

When you have family (i.e. kids) - days off work means babysitting. Enjoy your 13 days off, Birdie.

Merry Whatever and a Happy New Year (good thing we can at least agree on a new year).

trueborn said...

Yay!
New Job.
You thought your car rides were bad...
Imagine ten people in the car for six hours at a time in the days before iPods. Pure insanity.
Mix tapes were my only saving grace. I was great at making them.

Merry Christmas Birdie. Enjoy yoour break from humanity.

Chairborne Stranger said...

Merry Christmas Birdie!

beachgirl said...

Happy (belated) Holidays!! I just read the Cat Shit post...for the love of man, I think you and meg were separated at birth!! You both are Ron White kind of funny!!!
Good Heavens- y'all have a gift for humor!!

Joey said...

Merry X-MAs!

Oswald Croll said...

Birdie,
How's that booty coming? HAHA
Merry Xmas sweety.
Os

Joey said...

Birdie, I figured I'd reply to you here rather than on my site where those bad people block it from you.

Thanks so much for taking the trip to Kinko's you crazy girl!! I miss your comments.

Here's to early Happy New Year!!

Mwwwahh XOXO
~Joey Madison

sqg said...

Happy New Year Birdie! :)