Friday, December 02, 2005

They Pay Me to Work But Instead I Do This:

As faux-tagged by Meghan, this ridiculously addictive list that I naturally could not resist:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Let's see. 10 years ago would be December 1995, so I was still living in Natchez, Mississippi and I was a very typical cynical fifteen-year-old. I had just found out that my dad was being transferred back to Texarkana, TX and I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I probably threw up every day for 2 months I was so nervous. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I HAVE ULCERS. School was winding down for the semester and I was finishing last minute papers and studying for finals. Actually, I lie. Any papers that needed writing and tests that needed studying were done exactly 24 hours before they were due. What I CAN remember is taking the yearbook camera everywhere I went, snapping pictures of everyone I knew, every hallway, every classroom and every teacher. I was determined to remember every detail and make my parents feel as guilty as possible in the process (which I'm sure they already did, I just magnified it to the highest possible level). I was also sulking mightily in dance class, the one place that I'd previously felt it was inappropriate to sulk. My friends had started training for the yearly pageant ball, which contrary to it's name is NOT an actual pageant full of skimpily clad chickas promoting their feminine wiles but a production of sorts that tour buses from around the nation (full of elderly retired folk and people with too much time on their hands. WHO TRAVELS AROUND THE COUNTRY ON A TOUR BUS, ANYWAY?) careened into the auditorium parking lot to see, intent on witnessing the WASP'ish displays of yore. Basically, we dressed up in era-appropriate costumes and pretended to have a "ball" in honor of something or other that was historically important. My particular group dressed in hoop skirts with faux ringletted hair and danced a 13 minute intricate waltz full of partner-changing and twirling and really, really pretty music. It sounds cheesy but it was actually quite lovely. The highlight was actually the training for the pageant; boys from the cotilion school in town traipsed over to my dance school on Tuesday and Thursday nights to practice with us doe-eyed and fluttery girls. This afforded us many an opportunity to flirt attrociously with the cute boys whilst being twirled about the floor. But because I was moving, there was no point in me starting the training classes for the spring ball. And so every Tuesday and Thursday night after my normal ballet class, instead of changing into my cutest warm-up outfit like all the other girls, I got in my car and headed home. Where I stood in my closet and gazed at my beautiful dress with all it's ruffles and silk, the dress I wasn't going to get to wear again that spring.

What were you doing 1 year ago ?
One year ago I was 24-years-old. On December 2nd I was sitting in my apartment that I shared with my brother, avoiding getting dressed and especially avoiding doing the dishes. I was periodically checking my email, random blogs and various internet-worth thingamabogs. Why do I know this? Because I checked my email inbox for December 2nd, 2004. This was, of course, back when my mother was paying for my brother's internet. Because he's a student and needs it, of course.
I had been working at Dillards since September but had failed to return since the day before Thanksgiving. After sitting in the parking lot for days on end, head against steering wheel, convincing myself that I HAD to go to work, I HAD to have a paycheck and then ultimately clocking in thirty minutes late-- I finally just stopped going. The thought of having to smell the inside of that store made my stomach physically turn sour. The only thing that had kept me moderately sane were three work-friendships- J., Li., and La. But La. had quit the week before, J. had found a better job and Li. had gone mysteriously MIA from work, though we still met once a week for Mehican food. I had received a job offer that would (THANK GOD) put me on my ass in front of a computer for 9 hours a day and I was blissfully without care that I had not shown up for work after giving my boss the customary 2 weeks notice. So I was sitting at home and enjoying my unpaid vacation while waiting for my start date of December 6th.
This makes me sound very blase' about the whole thing- you know, failing to show up for work and all. This is SO not like me, you should know. The Dillards job was just a hold-over until I found something that would pay me to NOT stand on my feet for hours on end each day, waiting on people and their smelly ass feet.
5 snacks you enjoy :
1) pretzels
2) flour tortillas with pepperjack cheese and pecans, rolled up and nuked
3) apples (I am currently addicted to the weird phenomenon of Grapples, dear god they taste delicious)
4) Cheetos
5) Rice Krispy Treats

5 songs to which you know all the lyrics :

1) Sweet Home Alabama- Lynard Skynard
2) Sweet Dreams- The Eurythmics
3) Take it Off- The Donnas
4) Ain't Goin Down Till The Sun Comes Up- Garth Brooks
5) Pussy Control- Prince
5 things you would do if you were a millionaire :
1) Pay off my parents house and buy them a new one or fix up the one they've got (their choice), buy my mother an art studio wherever she wanted, let my dad retire and play golf wherever he wanted and make sure they never want for anything, including super duper life-long vacations.
2) After paying for whatever schooling my brother wants, set up a trust fund that doles out a set amount of money each month until he learns not to blow it on liqour and then help him start his business.
3) Pay off all my friends student loans, car loans, house notes, etc and set them up financially to do whatever it is that will help them be happy.
4) Set up a giant fund to a) build animal shelters all over the world, b) give yearly donations to fund Heifer Profect c) fund research that gives us a viable and cheap solution to using nasty ass fossil fuels d) a yearly donation to whatever charity I decide to give to
5) a house for ME! ME! ME! where I can be close to my friends and family, where my cats can have their very own special room that I pay someone to clean up- I will even give them an endless supply of Christmas trees to demolish-, where I have a helicopter pad on the roof so my pilot can whisk me to the airport so I can take my private (and newly fuel efficient) jet anywhere I want to go and buy pretty shoes and where I have a live-in personal trainer, chef and housekeeper and I can live comfortably and without financial worry with the person who makes me happiest in all the world and who also happens to be quite the virile man. IN BED.
5 bad habits :
1) Not answering my phone
2) Not drinking enough water, exercising enough, eating enough good things
3) Tuning things out I don't want to hear
4) Not thinking before speaking
5) Biting my nails and chipping off the nail polish

5 things you like doing :
1) reading in bed
2) kissing boys
3) making up stories in my head
4) making lists and then completing the things on the lists
5) dancing
5 things you would never wear again :
1) acid washed denin
2) hyper-color t-shirts
3) scrunchies
4) banana clips
5) poofy marshmallow jackets

5 favorite toys :
1) staplers- I like the noise they make. And I like making the papers perfectly aligned and then permanently stapling them together
2) online word translators- I like seeing what certain sentences would look like in French, Spanish and German
3) cell-phone tetris- it's addictive
4) wine corkscrews- dur
5) post-its- apparently office supplies do it for me. what can I say? Though it's probably more that all of my lists that I so like to complete always end up on lined post-its.


Chairborne Stranger said...

LOL-great stuff-that's awesome that you checked your inbox for Dec 2 2004! Thanks for visitng and the internet hugs and kisses--goes well with your #2 thing you like to do! Funny, that's MY #2 thing to do, as well-getting kisses from girls!

meghansdiscontent said...

Your nutso and I love you.
Can't wait for tonight . .. so SO ready to see you and "Ruby" and do fun, fun things!!!

meghansdiscontent said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
birdie said...

Sorry to remove a comment-- Meghan's comment revealed just a WEEEEE bit too much. :)

Carl from L.A. said...

They pay me to work too, but instead I'm reading blogs and spewing comments.

Not answering phones, not returning calls, and not replying to e-mails are some of my bad habits. While there are people who clamor for gadgets that tie them down, I'd much rather be "busy".