Monday, March 14, 2005

These People Underestimate My Instability.

Okay. So i've decided to treat myself to a hamburger. I've had a VERY BAD DAY. And I EAT MY FEELINGS. (will explain BAD DAY in later post.)

I pull up to Burger King.

"Welcome to burger king, would you like to try a combo meal today?"

"Yes, please. I want a bacon cheddar ranch burger combo with a diet coke."

silence. silence.

more silence



"Please pull to the the first window."

So I pull around and wait and wait and wait for the two cars in front of me to pay for their food and go. Finally, I pull up to the window. Door opens and I hand her my twenty. She takes the twenty, puts it in her cash drawer. Takes out dollar bills and change.

"Eleven dollars and 14 cents is your change."

Door shuts.

WTF?? 9 dollars for a hamburger. I think not.

"Excuse me. Mam. Excuse me. Hello. Hi. Mam. Hellooooo"


"Um. Why is my hamburger nine dollars?"

"Cuz you ordered a Whopper w/ cheese, a Jr. Whopper and a large fry."

"No. I ordered a bacon cheddar ranch burger combo w/ a diet coke."

"No you deeundt. We've got you down for a Whopper w/ cheese, a Jr. Whopper..."

"Hold up. I don't care about the Whoppers you think I ordered. I did not order that. I'm not paying for that. Fix it."

Glass door slams shut.

I can hear her talking to her manager, or person of equal importance. This goes on for about 10 minutes. I can hear them discussing how the order got screwed up. Who ordered the whoppers? How do they get my order back into the queue? Lafawundah up front said this girl just pulled through without making an order. Well, we have to put her order in. So do I just get 2 more dollars from her. Yeah, that should make it even.

Door opens. I'm ready.

"Uh, what did you want again?" says the manager man.

"A bacon cheddar ranch burger combo with a diet coke."

Silence. He's engrossed in the computer thingee.

"Do you want the combo?"

"Yes, I want the combo."

Silence. More computer work. Punching on keys. Silence.

"Did you want the chicken or the burger."

"I. Want. The. Bacon. Cheddar. Ranch. Burger. Combo. With. A. Diet. Coke."

"A medium diet coke?"

"I don't care. Whatever size diet coke comes with the COMBO."

Glass door slams shut. I still haven't gotten my money back. I hang out for a while. I'm not leaving because they owe me money. And there's a car at the second window blocking my escape route anyway.

4 minutes pass.

Glass door opens.

"That'll be six twenty two."

"I've already given you money. You OWE me money for overcharging me on the order that I didn't ORDER."


Glass door shuts. Manager and drive-through-girl confer over the intricacies of the fast food world.

2 minutes pass.

Glass door opens.

"Okay, give us back the money we gave you."


Glass door shuts.

1 minute

Glass door opens.

"So now how much do we owe you?"

"I gave you a twenty. Figure it out or hand me a twenty and I'll be on my merry way. Either way, I truly don't care."

"Uh. Okay."

Rattles around in change drawer. Manager and drive through girl discuss how much change they should give me. The whoppers are brought up again. Then the drive-through-girl remembers that we're not charging me for the whoppers. Only the bacon cheddar ranch. Oh yeah, says the manager.

"Here's your change."

I check it to make sure it's around 14 dollars. Awesome. I pull up to the second window.

"Yeeeah, they got yo order aaaall screwed up."

"Yes, i know."

I'm eyeing the Burger King bag sitting on the interior window sill.

"Here ya go."

She hands me a blue slushee thing.

"Um. no."

"Oh, did you need a straw with that?"

"No. I don't need a straw with that. I have a diet coke. A plain, non-frozen, in liquid-form DIET COKE."

"Oh, my bad."

glass door shuts.
4 minutes pass.

She comes back to the window and hands me the diet coke. Glass door shuts.

I'm still eyeing the bag on the window sill. Curious whether or not it's mine.

3 minutes pass.

I honk my horn.

girl comes to window.

"Oh, did you need something else?"

"Yes, i need something else. My SANDWICH. The one I PAID FOR."

"What did you order?"


"I didn't give you the sandwich?"


(this was a great risk, because if the bag on the counter was not mine I was going to have to throw away my sandwich for fear it had been spit -or worse- on.)

"Oh, this is yourn right here. Sorry bout that."

She reaches over to hand me the bag, sitting on the windowsill, that I've been staring at for the past ten minutes.

"Thank you. Could I have some extra salt, please?"

Hand reaches up to bins of condiments and puts something in the bag.

I take bag, confirm that it is the sandwich I ordered. Fries are there. Diet coke is in cup holder. I'm good to go.

I pull up into the parking lot at work and pull out my sandwich and fries and get ready to devour them. I sweep my hand through the bottom of the burger king bag.



Anonymous said...

hahaha if you reckon burger king is bad you should try 'dixy fried chicken' near where i live. I simply cannot fathom how people as unbelievebly stupid as this managed to make it out of school without being killed.
By the way, thanks for posting on my site, and i agree, i do have a wonderful way with words. Probably comes from only ever putting anything on there off my face.

sqg said...

Great story there Birdie.
Too funny!
And so true.