Snoopy

So. I'm sitting at work and thought:

"I should be productive."

mental silence.

"Perhaps I should clean out my yahoo mailbox?"

mental silence

"I will take my mental silence as acquiescence."

And I proceeded to use company time, just like I'm doing now, to play on the veritable abyss that is the Internet.

Upon doing so, I came across some interesting old emails from months and months and months ago. Even a few from 2003, I'm ashamed to admit. Obviously some email house-cleaning was way overdue.

Among them:

An email from Jon, wishing me the best of luck in all my future endeavors. Before you roll your eyes, let me first tell you that Jon was in NO WAY wishing me the best. It was all a power play. He'd already played his hand at screaming at me over the phone, screaming at me through my apartment window and waiting (to scream at me, I'm sure) in the parking lot of my office, smoking a cigarette, cool as can be, watching me walk to my car. It was a game of intimidation. I had won the previous round, thinking naively that the game was over. This email was the end of the communication. I'm still not sure if he's just biding his time or if I really won. I've stopped looking for him everywhere I go. And I hear he's moved to Oklahoma.

Emails from Nick& Hillary, evil roommates with whom I moved to New York, detailing how they were not going to be paying the gas bill from our Staten Island apartment and how they were not going to be paying for my laptop that they surreptitiously stepped on and cracked. My emails back to them, explaining why they were responsible. Never losing my temper. The laptop was never paid for and the gas bill was paid by yours truly. But that's okay because I replaced the cherry-flavored Jell-O in the fridge with some Jell-O of my own, made my very own urine. Oh, and I crushed a pack of Ex-Lax into the 3 liter of Dr. Pepper. Immature? Yes. Ask me if I give a shit.

Emails from Matt when he was overseas in Iraq. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of all of them, so I kept the good ones, ones that involved more than a "Hey, I'm alive, it's hot, miss you."

Emails from the boy that I got set up with several months ago. Great email conversationalist, he was. Unfortunately, he was obsessed with his 8% body fat and my, like, 98% body fat. And he had chicken legs. And he thought I'd blow him because he showed up in a 45-thousand dollar car. Au contraire, mo fo. I knew I didn't like you as soon as I saw your ridiculous 2-seater. How practical is a 2-seater sports car? Well, I'll tell you. It's not. Not at all. And he thought rock music was just too loud. Somehow, these things did not come up in email. I was even going to give him a chance as a plain-jane friend until he made derogatory remarks about The Cure.

Emails from possibly the sexiest man in the world. As usual, the sexiest man in the world was "otherwise occupied." (aka married/with girlfriend or with child) And he wasn't just sexy because of his outside, though his outside is scrumdiddlyumptious. He was the most thoughtful person I've ever met. Ever. I've never seen a male be so good, so relaxed, so comfortable, with anyone and everyone. Oh, and let's not forget his smart-kid status. I'm a sucker for smart kids. I am quite proud of myself about him though. I realized how snazzy he was before I knew about his "otherwise occupied" status. I'm NEVER into anyone unless they are a) not going to be into me or b) otherwise occupied. I must have picked up a residual other-woman scent from him.... :)

Emails from people I used to work with in New York. Some of them were unopened.

Emails I had sent to myself thinking I would have time to later read articles from online-newsources. My favorite was the article I sent myself on "Why scientists knows aliens exist."
If you've read previous journal entries, you'll understand why I'd be so concerned with this topic.

Okay Okay Okay I have to go back to work now because I've put off actually working ALL DAY and now I've only got an hour and a half left to do my whole day's worth of work. I love me. )