Friday, November 11, 2005

I feel slightly out of place today.

Mildly out of sync.

Because there are certain rules in the world of the 8-5er's of which I was totally not aware.

1) The alarm going off at 7am is doubly annoying than the alarm going off at 10am.

2) You feel very obtrusive that early in the morning. As in, "I can't bang that cabinet door because it may wake someone up." Or, "I shouldn't turn my stereo on because it might wake my neighbors up." Even the coffee pot dribble echoes strangely through the apartment.

3) The downtown street I live on is SUPER BUSY at 7:40 am. I mean, those people FLY. Not that I'm complaining. Because I'd rather see people intent on getting to a destination than putzing around and holding up traffic. But I did almost get my door knocked off by a passing Jeep. THANKS DOUCHE.

4) Apparently once you get to the interstate, however, THERE'S NOT A SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS ANYWHERE TO BE. NOPE. LET'S JUST CRUISE AND LOOK AT THE PRETTY CONCRETE BRIDGES AND TALK ON OUR CELL PHONES AND HOLD UP EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. BEHIND. YOU. Most mornings I rumble down the fast lane at a brisk 85-95 mph. I have to jigsaw around the occasional nutbag who wants to hang out in the fast lane, but I now realize that IT'S NOT THAT BAD. In comparison to the fuckwads that chicken neck the THREE LANES of interstate at a NOT SO BRISK 55 mph, of course.

5) I almost ran over a dude in the parking lot.

6) Do people take some special medication I don't know about? Because everyone had to make some super chipper comment about me coming to work early today. And they were chipper EVEN WHEN TALKING TO EACH OTHER. By the time I normally get here, everyone is all grumpy and worky and stuff. Upon asking my boss about this, he replied that in the morning you're so grateful to be away from your kids it's like happy hour on a Friday night where the bartender gives you free drinks and you're guar-an-teed a piece of the pie. But by noon you realize you've only got a few more precious hours of blessed separation before you have to go back home again, where you ARE NOT guar-an-teed free drinks OR a piece of the pie.

6) The cafeteria downstairs serves bacon-n-biscuits. THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

7) You have to use the work, er, facilities WAY more than normal because while you would have typically ingested your three cups of coffee BEFORE coming to work, you have to drink your three cups of coffee AT work. So instead of peeing 40 times before you leave the house, in the comfort of your own private and santized bathroom, you have to pee 40 times in the non-comfort and probably-not-santized bathroom in the office.

8) It's 2pm, I'm about to take lunch, and then I'll only have TWO HOURS TO GO.


Carl from L.A. said...

Back in my 20-something days I could totally agree with you on how you feel about the 8-5 routine. Any time before 9 was just ungodly for any activity other than sleep. Of course, I would never be in bed before 2 a.m. either.

So I would not even try to explain how I could be up at 3 a.m. and be in work by 5 these days - it's just different stages of life.

meghansdiscontent said...

You're VERY lucky you went to work when you did.

I'm sure you noticed I called your phone at 10:20. I had finished early with work and was commuting to Alana's to procure hair stuffs . . . the most HORRID wreck I had ever seen had occurred on 630 West. Traffic was backed up FOR MILES and for 45 minutes. I got to Alana's around 11:15. You would have been SO late for work.

Oswald Croll said...

Early morning medication advise. I have a tough time getting moving in the a.m. Especially after closing the bar late the night before. And my allergies always bother me more in the morning. I am thinking taking a bit of herion every morning from now on. I think it will pick me up, clear my sinuses ..... and even if it doesn't, I don't think I'll care anymore. Plus I won't even think twice about the guy I ran over in the parking lot.