Monday, November 07, 2005

so. tired.

From Thursday afternoon until Monday morning I did AB SO FUCKING LUTE LY NOTHING but languish in my bed, occasionally venturing into the kitchen to eat a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. Sometimes I even worked up the energy to stare at the bathtub longingly, knowing that the energy required to strip and stand for 10 minutes under the water, raising my hands above my head to wash my 47 pounds of hair WOULD JUST PLAIN KILL ME. (Though I did breakdown and shower on Saturday night once I rationalized that though I could not smell myself, my NEIGHBORS could probably smell me and that, my friend, is no good.) I dutifully took my antibiotics, sipped my codeine-laden cough syrup and drank cup after cup of water. And you know what?


I've decided I have some mutant strain of sinusitis/bronchitis that has taken up residence in my nasal/chest cavity and has found it RIGHT NICE and plans to raise little mutant babies and host little mutant baby showers and then, years from now, GIANT MUTUANT CELEBRATIONS announcing the baby mutants success at Mutantville High where he studied long and hard at mutant-ology, mutant history and, most importantly, THE THROWING OF FUCKING MUTANT PARTIES WITHIN THE CONFINES OF STUPID AND DELICATE HUMAN BODIES, DESTROYING THE ABILITY FOR COGNITIVE THOUGHT AND INNER PEACE.
I won't even pretend to be an adult. I AM MISERABLE. My head hurts, my chest hurts, my eyes burn, my brain has been knocked loose from my coughing, my eyes are carrying around jumbo-size YOU MOST CERTAINLY CAN'T CHECK THAT-size luggage and my whole body, MY WHOLE BODY, is so tired and exhausted you'd think I'd done something truly productive, something truly worthwile, something like building a 4,000 sq. ft. house with my BARE HANDS for poor starving children in the heat of Zimbabwe.


It's seven o'clock and the thought of having to drive home just seems obnoxious and terribly silly. I'll be back here (work) in such a short time. Might I just stay here? I have some mini-mouthwash stashed in my desk. And a brush. I could just wear my big jacket all day tomorrow and NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW.


Anonymous said...

Hope you feel better soon. We all miss the feisty person that you are.

meghansdiscontent said...

Having such intense flashbacks of you sleeping for DAYS, literally.

Is it possible that you have contracted mono again? You sounded not so hot the past few nights and we missed you in our funness - read my blog to catch up.

PS - CALL me back. Had voicemail from our favorite religious fanatic on Sunday.

trueborn said...

Your hysterical use of the english language never fails to make me laugh. Thank you.
I hope you get well soon
Try anything with zinc in it. Sounds silly but it helps.

Carl from L.A. said...

Hope it's nothing too serious. Can you call in sick? Take care.