Thursday, August 24, 2006

At Last Count, I've Written A Letter To The Air Conditioner Man, CNN and now Diane. Or, Diane!!!!!!

Lately I've been thinking about moving. And while I would love to pack up and find a lovely beach cabin on the coast of Maine (because I am obsessed with the Maine, hello) chances are it would be less beach, more urban jungle. And in all truth I don't really do cabins because when people around here say 'cabin' they mean 'shack' and most shacks I've seen don't come equipped with running water, much less air conditioning.

So about three weeks ago, when The Great Rat Hunt was in full swing, I started kind of looking around. Checking out apartment sites, stopping by a few places for brochures, even taking a tour of a new apartment out by my office. And while I appreciated the decorator colors on the walls and the new refrigerator that doesn't lilt three inches to the side, I couldn't quite bring myself to pay $895 for a one bedroom in central Arkansas. I'm sorry, but I can get a studio in Brooklyn for that plus I can drop off my laundry at the front door and it will appear three days later, magically delicious and clean.

So it was with a bit of amusement that I opened my email this evening to find this:

Hey!! I saw that you were looking around on our website! I thought I would check in with you to see if you needed any help in your search for a new place! I have the current availability at the communities in which you are interested!!!

I would love to help you out, but I need some additional information from you to do so!! Please give me a call or shoot me an email so that I can get the needed info to better hunt for you that perfect place!!

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!! Have a great day!!!


Dear Diane,

Thank you. Never have I actually seen anyone use sixteen exclamation points in three short paragraphs. You have a good day now and if you have time on your lunch break, go ahead and give your doctor a call and let him know he can bring you down a notch on that Lithium.



Carl from L.A. said...

On my several visits of Maine during my road-tripping days I must say that even their "urban jungle" Portland was quite charming. Plus a neverending supply of lobster tails.

Drunken Chud said...

ha!! that's some funny shit! i can't believe her use of the exclamation point! it's horrendous!! i mean, wow! lol!

sorry, i can't keep that up. so, $900 for a one bedroom? fuck that. around here that's two bedroom prices. at some places it's three. i miss my ohio apartment. $400 for a 2 bedroom half of a duplex. mmmm, college town.

and carl, mmm lobster... *drools*

duckie said...

the last time i was living in an apartment in beautiful San Jose, it was $2,100 for a two bedroom. Fuck that.

Diane was obviously very excited to help you find a new home. Don't be a hater.

colter said...

I don't know which is scarier! That she knows what you're doing! Or her every statement is an exclamation! It's really damn freaky!

YoJ said...

I bet Diane runs a brothel and has been blog stalking you for months.

Bitch!! Oops- I mean: