Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Diversion + Subversion = Assclown

I kind of like coming in to work early. The main lights stay off until a little after eight and the light from my window is perfect at seven. Of course, it’s overcast today and this may be why I say the light is perfect because if it was seven and the sunlight was singing songs from Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’ then I’d be very unhappy. Also, the sparse population of coworkers that roll in early come equipped with this look of horror and some leftover bed-squishy face and I can rest assured that no one is going to make an unnecessary comment until at least 7:45.

Also, I got to see a coworker come in with split pants this morning. As in, split right down the posterior, about four inches of starched white shirt pouching out. And while I laughed a little, I had to extend a bit of sympathy in his direction because I did this two days before my vacation:

I managed to walk across the parking lot, through four security doors, up an elevator, across my office floor, to the coffee maker and then to my friend’s office where I sat down in her extra chair. She turned to me and I watched her face kind of tighten in confusion as she said “Um, Robin?” and I looked down to find the one gold shoe and the one black shoe. In less than a second, she’d whipped out her camera phone and snapped the picture, capturing for all time my wardrobe malfunction.

Speaking of camera phones, I tried to convince a guy I work with to take a picture of the pant-splitting debacle but he told me no. He can’t have another man’s ass on his phone, he said.


Carl from L.A. said...

I thought the non-matching shoes is the "in thing" these days. Maybe not. Or maybe not in the office. Yet.

Drunken Chud said...

lil' punky brewster all growed up. the look doesn't work so well with sensible shoes.

YoJ said...

You have better shoes than me! And your office carpet is WAY better.

A few weeks ago, I walked around with a period stain on my ass and NO ONE said SHIT to me. Bitches.

duckie said...

i can clearly see your nuts.