Monday, May 01, 2006

Bounce! Helps Repel Lint and Hair!

This evening when I came home from work there was a pretty pink flyer stuck in my door which is like the greatest marketing ploy, ever. It means that it catches you coming in from work, tired and grumpy and just a wee bit peckish. It sits silently on your foyer table while you meander around the house, peeking in the refridgerator multiple times, convinced on each try that something both tantalizing and moderately healthy lies inside. When you finally give in to the inevitable and resign yourself to another Fast Food Run you happen to glance over to the table- BEHOLD! The Hunan Balcony Chinese Restaurant has Fast Free Delivery and offers a Free Chicken on Stick with any Lunch Special! It may not be lunch and you may have no desire for a Free Chicken on Stick but the marketing ploy, it is genious.

So I flipped through the pamphlet, deciding on Schezuan chicken as I was a first-time patron of the Hunan Balcony and one can never be too safe with the Fast Free Delivery. Though I may love me some Egg Foo Young, this is a dish best chosen when one is completely and utterly secure in the knowledge that your Chinese food establishment of choice doesn't have wanky cheese wontons or weird dicey chicken in the Kung Pao. We have to come to an understanding, you and I. You don't just go ordering Egg Foo Young from any old restaurant. It must prove itself time and time again so that when you finally do order that tasty treat, it will not come in scrambled egg format and the sauce will not be strangely sweet or thin and runny.

Because I was passing the wee bit peckish stage and moving into the here kitty kitty come jump in this pan of boiling water stage, the thirty minute lag time between the placing of my order and the receiving of my order seemed interminable. But in all actuality that's faster than any pizza has shown up at my door which just goes to show you that Italians are fucking lazy. And Russians have no morals. *wink*

By the way I think I have a mouse-friend and I'm going to have to prevail upon somebody to come kill it. I discovered a nicely nibbled hole in the bag of the catfood this morning and The Fat One has been inexplicably staring at the cupboard where the food is kept, tail twitching. He's been an indoor cat his whole fat life so I hope whatever genetic lottery he was a part of is the one with the vicious mouse-killing instincts because much like I do not play the Swimming in Vomit game I do not play the Mouse Hunt and Kill game.


Carl from L.A. said...

Getting food from unfamiliar Chinese restaurants, especially from areas not known for its Chinese cuisine (basically anywhere except L.A., SFO, Vancouver and Toronto) is always a dicey proposition. I have braved Chinese restaurants in such exotic locales as Grand Island (Nebraska), Eureka (North Northern Calif) and Bozeman (Montana) and lemme tell ya, Chinese food could be lethal.

Faltenin said...

OK, next Chinese restaurant we go to, you order.

When I was in China, I'd order off the pictures, so I don't know any of the names!!!

meghansdiscontent said...

You're so scary.
First the spider.
Now the mouse.

Do you want me to use my keys this week and come kill the SOB while you're at work?

Coyote Mike said...

Can someone get a video of the Meghan vs. the Mouse battle? I think that could really sell :D

janestarr said...

It is incredibly gross to come home to snapped mouse traps...ew. As for the Chinese restaurant, fast free delivery is what makes America great!

Drunken Chud said...

see, when trying a new chinese place i always try the general tso. it's the perfect barometer. it shows how they do their sauces, how spicy they think round eye likes it, and the quality of the sides since it's almost always offered as a combination. but, where i'm at we have a huge chinese contingent. for some odd reason. chinese grocer a mile away, and 8 chinese restaurants within 2 miles of my house. i don't even have a mcdonalds within two miles.