Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A Whine, Because I Can

For all intensive purposes I should be changing the cat litter and possibly even attempting to empty the bathroom trashcan, the one that passed Overfill stage two days ago and has quickly moved into the Frightening Architechtural Masterpiece stage. I should also be cleaning the kitchen. And sweeping the living room free of it's four inch layer of cat hair, thank you FatKitty.

But instead I've spent the past twelve hours contemplating the philosophical nature of snot. And why, no matter what you eat, your mouth still tastes a bit like cotton balls soaked in fart when suffering from an onslaught of The Snot.

I recognize the important role The Snot plays in my daily existence, how it gathers up the bits of icky goo attached to my nostril cilia, making bigger chunks of icky goo the rest of the world likes to call boogers. And while the morning nose-blow is a necessity that is never overlooked as it effectively rids me of the icky goo accumulation, I feel that we have crossed into new territory with the Every Five Seconds Nose-Blow.

The Snot and I, we are so not best friends right now.


9 comments:

janestarr said...

Sorry for the snot overload, it does have a purpose but damn it's annoying!!

Prego said...

Mine gets really bad during hockey games. I have perfected the art form of plugging up one nostril and expelling air forcefully from the other. It took a few tries to avoid getting it on my chin, jersey or skates.

p

PS I like the 'cotton ball' analogy. I've always just said that it feels like a snake shat in my mouth. Same premise.

Carl from L.A. said...

Here in the Wild Wild West also known as the High Desert we have dust, sand and tumbleweeds blown up by dry gusty winds. I don't think i've had a day where my nose is clear ever since we moved here a year ago.

Jacques Roux said...

back in the day when I lived on the Prairie, and worked on a livestock farm, I perfected the "Farmer's Blow," very much akin to what Prego describes. His is practical because of the gloves and high speed action of the game; mine was practical because I spent half the day with my hands in all sorts of animal shit and other flavorful substances...

Yeah, I know. TMI.

Texas Roxy said...

Don't you just hate it when you're snotness overflows into your throat and you try to say something but it bubbles up and waves hello at the back of your throat?
That happened to me this morning.

Oh man that was TMI...I apologize.
Ew.

rob said...

If matter can neither be created nor destroyed, what the fuck is with all this snot and why does it accumulate in my head?

Faltenin said...

Is the snot from Cher's nose too?

You could probably filter it for coke!

the belligerent intellectual said...

Snot has many other good uses though, like it makes great conversation on a first date. You have no idea how many girls I have wooed over snot. Noooo idea.

Murrye said...

i haven't commented in ages, but i read you religiously. as a faithful reader, i know you used to live in new york. i'm moving there next month! any advice for a southern girl going to the big city?