I could be expecting...

The results are in...

I'm pregnant...

With a food baby.

I think I'll name it Duncan Hines Holmes... or maybe Jimmy Dean Holmes. And I could affectionately refer to it as "Butterball."

Dear LORD I ate a lot of food yesterday. Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, fruit salad, dressing, pecan pie, pumpkin bread, rolls, cookies, hash brown casserole, green bean casserole... you name it, I ate it. I could have given Oprah a run for her money in her chubby days.

Faux Thanksgiving went off without a hitch. I even managed to cook the turkey... something my friends were quite concerned about. I got three phone calls Sunday morning ascertaining that I did indeed know to remove the scary packaged bits from the turkey before actually placing it in the oven. YES people, I can read the directions. And I can assure you that I have no intention of eating anything referred to as "turkey giblets" as I have no real idea what "giblets" are. (I've seen them advertised on Church's Chicken signs before but never really had the heart to ask...)

When I finally arrived, all my fears of turkey-cooking were quickly laid to rest after a quick taste-test. Some would argue that this should have been done BEFORE I brought the turkey over... But what's the fun in that? The turkey was cooked all the way through (thank God) and tasted every bit like my mother's Thanksgiving turkeys. I am now a certified kitchen genius.

All in all, it was one of the most enjoyable and laid-back Thanksgivings I've ever had. Everyone brought something tasty and delicious and, more importantly, I was surrounded by loving friends and interesting characters. This is the part where, in theory, I should expound upon the importance of friends and whatnot, yadda yadda yadda. But I'm really too distracted by the food baby that is STILL growing at disastrous speeds in my belly.

p.s. I know I wrote Delilah's going away letter yesterday but I forgot to tell her that I hope she has lots and lots of friends, yummy steaks and lots of grass to roll in while she's visiting doggie-heaven. And I'm sending you a belly-rub for Christmas.