Monday, May 23, 2005

The Cocaine, it is Free

I moved this weekend. And now have no internet. Or cable, for that matter. DAMN I miss having internet. I fucking hate being poor. The only time I really missed cable was when I thought I might have to miss the Desperate Housewives finale.
BUT THEN BRIGHT IDEA # 457 came barreling along. I remembered I had to do laundry. And my new apartment has no laundermat. So I packed my 7 loads of dirty clothes in the back of the car and drove my resourceful ass to the laundermat on Markham, WHERE THERE IS FREE CABLE TO BE HAD BY ALL. So I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition and then Desperate Housewives, all while my clothes washed and dried. I had to miss Grey's Anatomy. Mainly because I couldn't see hanging out in the joint until 10pm. That neighborhood is not exactly THE SAFEST place to be in pitch dark.

And if your wondering why I was doing my clothes in a laundermat when my old apartment is still inhabited by my loser brother and has a washer/dryer in the basement- THAT WOULD BE BECAUSE HE'S AN ILLITERATE FUCK UP WHO CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING BUT FUCK. UP. All he had to do was transfer the electricity into his name by Friday morning. I even gave him lists in person and by email with names, account numbers and phone numbers OF EVERY UTILITY COMPANY. But no. That was too complicated. My mom and I take the first load of crap over to the new building first thing Friday morning and when we get back - BAM! NO FUCKING ELECTRICITY.

And yes, it was hot as balls outside. And yes, I sweated off said balls in the NINE HOURS OF PHYSICAL LABOR it took to move all of my shit. (Thank you, Brittany. You're the best. Even if your boyfriend was cranky on Saturday. And I will not complain ONCE when I have to help you paint your kitchen cabinets.) But now. NOW. I have my home. My very home non-sharing, wood-floored, courtyard-having, back-porch-sportin APARTMENT THAT WAS DECORATED BY YOURS TRULY AND IF I WANTED TO PUT THE PICTURE ON THAT WALL THEN I FUCKING PUT THE PICTURE ON *THAT* WALL.
And if I want to pee with the door open.
If I want to sleep on my stomach with my half-naked ass in the air
I CAN (because I don't have to worry about weird brother-friends marching through and hence seeing half-naked ass in the air)
If I want to listen to The Cure on repeat for 3 hours
Your're damned right, I CAN.
If I want to lay on my bed in my undewear because I'm hot and sweaty and I spent two hours scrubbing the kitchen floor with bleach,
And finally, if I want to cook dinner and not feel obligated to cook you something as well,


I'm going to go back to work, because I've taken up precious work time to write but I couldn't stand to be away from the blessed world of the blog friends for ONE SECOND MORE. And now, I shall go have internet-lustfull thoughts of Duckie, because, damn. He's one sexy mo fo in those Blog Ho boxers. Shake that ass.


meghansdiscontent said...

No problemo, chica. Actually liked moving you . . . except for the massive amount of cat hair I ingested (yes, ingested) and therefore sneezed everything but cellulite out of my body.

First thing ANYONE has let me do physically since the wrecks - other than moving Crystal and then painting every room in her house.

Who is sexy boxer boy . . .??

duckie said...

it's really the boxers. My ass doesn't look nearly as good in Calvin Klien. Nonetheless, I shall go have internet-lustfull thoughts of Birdie having internet-lustfull thoughts of Duckie.

birdie said...

You are encouraging my internet lust-full thoughts while I'm at work. Which is just distracting. Jeez. No one can work while internet-lusting after a man who wears blog ho boxers AND wears a black leather bracelet AND sports bitchin glasses.
my hormones MUST BE ON CRACK. i'm leaving now. going back to work.

birdie said...

And dear move-friend, if I could figure out how to make links to people, i would so help a girl out. But as boxer boy has so helpfully left me a comment, you can click on his demonic cat logo and go to his fabulous and boxer-filled site.

birdie said...

Sorry about the cat hair. Llama just wanted to say hi later. So he left you a hairball for a present.

duckie said...

Birdie - sorry, don't mean to distract you. It's that look on your face. You're speaking to me with your eyes. At least I think you're speaking to me. I'm the only one right here afterall.

meghansdiscontent said...

You're both crazy. Just throwing in my unwanted 2 cents.

And, Birdie, if you feel like driving over soon - I have Grey's Anatomy DVR'd. Though the show is COMPLETELY unrealistic (medically), the dialogue is damn funny at times.

duckie said...

meg thinks I'm crazy. I wouldn't disagree. I've been trying to tell people that for a really long time and nobody will listen.

sqg said...

Congrats on the move birdie!

And welcome to your Independence. :)

Joey said...


Congrats on YOUR OWN new place!!!!

grace said...

btw, if you want to edit links:

James said...

Speaking of internet lustful thoughts...thinking of a half-naked ass up in the air....Mmmmm. Oops, I'm sorry. I'm paying attention. Honestly. *GRIN*

Spelling police said...

It's "laundromat"

Robin said...

actually, that is the name of the place i go to wash my clothes. "The Laundermat"

have a nice day.