Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Ode to Nips

I'm having a problem
I think I might die
Yesterday, while tanning
My nips became fried

It all started when
My friends became tanner
And me, well I stayed
white like surrender's banner

So I carried my ass
To the tanning bed place
To make sure that ghosts
Did not scream at my face

I layed in the beds
So light and so warm
Until I felt like
The bees started to swarm...

Over my tender
Most white private parts
It felt like the bees
Were throwing poison filled darts

Now they're itchy, they're hot
And it's making me blue
I want it to stop,
Don't you, DON'T YOU???

50 comments:

grace said...

that is my favorite poem ever. EVER.

Badpatty said...

That just rocked my socks. She's a Southerner, a poet, tanned (after a sense) and a fan of Hall of the Mountain King. I'm impressed~

duckie said...

Birdie, will you marry me?

You rock!

sqg said...

Damn! duckie beat me again!!!

You do rock girl! :D

And again with the poison darts!?!

Allow me to help with some lotion!!
whoops!

*clean up on aisle 7*

Joey said...

Awesome Awesome Awesome!
Birdie girl... lotion those nips! I've been there, it hurts and it's not so pretty!

birdie said...

Aw *blushes* thanks (to everyone)

badpatty: Did you just compare me to THE WHO? HOLY CRAP. I'm way cooler than I thought...

sqg- Duckie beat you again, but then, maybe he's a little quick off the gun?? heh. I hear 409 gets that stain right out.

duckie: wow, this is so sudden (she gushes) I ACCEPT. we'll live down the street from my mom and she'll come over EVERY DAY and we can see them ALL THE TIME and, just for putting up with the in-laws, i may take care of that Staff or you. Once or twice a day, at least.

duckie said...

I was actually thinking we could move to Venice and become con artists. You could distract them with your tan nips and i will lift their wallets.

You take care of my staff and I'll take care of your under secretary.

sqg - if Birdie is down with it, i have no problem sharing.

sqg said...

w00t! You're a good man, duckie.

But what's the rest of your harem going to say about this marraige thingy!?!

sqg said...

Aw shit! Typo police are gonna bust me on that one!

Shit! -lol

meghansdiscontent said...

Poem rocks out

But basis of poem pisses me off a bit. Between you and Becca I don't want to hear anymore about "poor pitiful me, I have no money".

If you can afford skin cancer, you can afford Target jewlry.

grace said...

damn, duckie... i thought we had something... *sob*

birdie, can i get sloppy seconds? :P

ty bluesmith said...

ha

birdie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
birdie said...

i can't afford target jewelry BECAUSE i'm tanning. i can't do both- duh. I'm poor. I just decided to eat ramen and boxed noodles this month because i was disgusting myself with my whiteness.

meghansdiscontent said...

I'm just dealing with the whiteness. I can't fathom (personal here, NOT judging you) paying for something I can get for free ... that might kill me later on. Besides I'm like 400 times more likely to get skin cancer now because I LIVED in the sun all those summers that I managed the pool, lifeguarded, taught swimming lessons and coached swim team. I was at the outdoor pool from LITERALLY 5:30 a.m. until 1:00 a.m. every day.

As for the ramen noodle thing . . . Donna (AKA, mother dearest) lost her GD mind and bought like a freakin GROSS of Ramen noodles and sent them to my house in her benevolence. PLEASE tell me you want some!

birdie said...

well, yeah, i can sit in the sun for free BUT WHERE THE HELL AM I GONNA DO THAT? in my bathing suit on my back (shady, literally and figuratively) porch? HELL NO. and it gets done quicker in a tanning bed.
here that duckie? it gets done QUICKER. but you're not quick, are you? because i have plans for you later. (rubs hands together gleefully)

birdie said...

and bring on the noodles, ho. i'm poor. you got the memo.

Adam said...

This poem was awesome,
and the words so descriptive.
Can tanning be fun?
Or in whiteness we all live?

The poem was great,
but my entertainment,
was from being so very late,
seeing the cwazy kids comment.

Marriage proposals, harems and sharing,
getting jiggly with it and being all daring,
these are the things that make it way fun,
you're all retarded, thanks a big ton.

birdie said...

what a FABULOUS comment adam!

Kis Lee said...

poor, poor nips!

i keep spilling stuff on my keyboard from laughing so hard. must move cups away from computer.

birdie said...

please don't hurt your cute self! i would be devastated!
though, maybe i can get you some sippie cups. i hear those are coming back in style. :)

James said...

That poem rocks. You should publish that. You Da-BOMB!!

duckie said...

Have you heard that song "60 minute man?" that's me baby. I'm ready for your plans.

The great thing about being poor is that sex is free and a fucking great passtime. Especially with a belly full of Ramen.

birdie said...

quit teasing me with your manliness duckie. it's unfair.

SIXTY MINUTES??? Who can go SIXTY MINUTES??? WHAT ARE YOU-- THE BIONIC PENIS?

sqg said...

Here I sit
typing away,
lusting again
on another day.

The babes are so plentiful
over at duckies place,
And lord, all I ask is for just one
to sit on my face.

They are all so hot
and they know this I suppose,
As do they know, all of the guys
are sitting there
and probably exposed.

Shit!
I just spit coffee
all over my screen,
again laughing so hard
at all that I've seen.

So do hear this
duckie and friends,
This online lusting
is definitely the hottest of trends.

w00t!

duckie said...

not bionic. 10 minutes for every month of celibacy. I'm damn near the point of exploding.

Not fair? I don't play fair sista. Fuck that.

birdie said...

ok. we don't have to play fair. JUST YOU WAIT.
You won't last SIX MINUTES.

birdie said...

sqg-- HOLY CRAP--- a fabulous photoshop job and NOW THIS?? you are apparently a man of man talents (wink, wink)

sqg said...

"Won't last 6 minutes?"

Now there's a challenge I'm up for!

lilylala said...

my sweet frineds darling nips. i will lay my hands upon you and free you from the pain! may your nips be healed!

birdie said...

hmm. and suddenly THEY DO FEEL BETTER. must've been the laying of the hands. i shouldh have thought of that sooner.

Yoj said...

That my dear, was a kick ass little ditty. :) Here's to hoping the nips recover

birdie said...

yoj-- i'm raising my imaginary cold glass of pacifico in your direction-- HERE'S TO YOJ AND TO BEER AND TO HOT, ITCHY NIPS! AND TO LILY FOR LAYING HANDS ON THE NIPS AND HEALING THEM! AND TO DUCKIE FOR FANTASIZING ABOUT THE NIPS! AND TO GRACE FOR BEING THERE TO LICK OFF MY DROOL! AND TO SQG FOR MAKING MY CAMPAIGN POSTERS!

UNITE!

birdie said...

Duckie- are we still married today? Because I was quite disapointed in the honeymoon night. NO ACTION WHATSOEVER.

grace said...

omg. i need a beer right now.

*droool*

no action on your honeymoon?

damn, duckie. that's lame.

duckie said...

wait a fucking minute! Birdie, don't you go spreading nasty rumors about our honeymoon. I had a great time last night and you were there. I had to pull the sheets outta my ass.

birdie said...

um, were you laying on your back selling hello to Rosy Palmer? Maybe got a little too involved...got a little bit of sheet stuck up your ass?
CUZ I SO WASN'T THERE.
Well, maybe there was mutual fantasizing, at the same time, BUT I SAW NO LIVE DUCKIE IN MY HOME LAST NIGHT.

Speaking of, can we get on a mutual fantasizing schedule? AT 9pm CST the fantasizing will commence, unless that conflicts with your schedule of course.

sqg said...

So.. birdie,
just how many of us can fit into this mutual fantasizing schedule??
*pant pant*

9 CST! Ok.

But I'll be soooo embarrassed if you guys just leave me hanging!?!

And congrats girl! 38 comments! I'm sure that's a birdie record!
And still going.

Sex is such a great thing in every respect!

Adam said...

Are we all invited? What is 9 CST in GMT+10?!? Is it Birdie versus everyone or are some of the other chickees going to step up?

duckie said...

I'm there anytime you want it baby.

duckie said...

I posted another pict on my site if you need an updated image for fantasizing. :)

sqg said...

You talking to me or birdie?? -lol

duckie said...

sqg - dude, if you have to ask . . .

;)

grace said...

it's a party and we're all coming? :P

sqg said...

Thanks for showing up grace.

I didn't want it to be just me and duckie.
That's just fucked up!

grace said...

oh, wait... i don't want to ruin birdie's 3some. hehe...

duckie said...

grace - a 4some is even better.

grace said...

uhm... i wouldn't... know about that... duckie...

uhm. i totally wouldn't... uhm...

i gotta go.

Adam said...

Wait a sec.... what just happened?

Are there any stories to be shared?

Yoj said...

Hey- can we make it a fivesome? ;) I was all over the 9pm thing too. Thank you for the heads up .

Btw- the reason you didn't see Duckie on your honeymoon is because he snuck out after you fell asleep, came over & I showed him how it's really done. ;)

*kisses* Have a great Memorial Day!