Thursday, May 05, 2005

When hosting a company-wide meeting, it is not amusing to clap your hands, jump around the room and force others to do the same. It is also not amusing to attempt to force employees to mimic surfing. Surfing as in what one does in the Ocean even though we are quite obviously living in a land-locked state.

And let's not mention the fact that I arrived 7 minutes before schedule and STILL had to stand in the back in my four-inch heels because, YES, PEOPLE they are necessary. Short people have the option to be tall and if you heart so desires it, then you can BE TALL. But four-inch heels are not conducive to standing for 45 straight minutes.

More interestingly, I have made a new friend. Who is full, simply FULL, of useless but highly amusing information about my coworkers.


And apparently the gang of tall boys over on the other side of the floor is "snotty" and I shouldn't expect much in the way of hallway hello's.

Oh and the dark-haired frat boy 25 cubicles down apparently has a bit of a weight problem. He's also newly married and has gone through an "eat my feelings" stage. Possibly because he realized that, yes, he's tied to his ho for life. Till death do ya part, sucka. Anyway, I had wondered if his supertight clothing was a fashion statement. But no. He's just not buying new clothes b/c he started drinking protein shakes 2 weeks ago and thinks this will decrease the size of his following. (He's truly one of the only males that I've seen where excess weight settles on his boo-tay. Odd.)

My new friend is quite snazzy. She has cool hair, a nose ring and a tattoo. I can't do tattoos because there's no part of my body I want displayed. Which you ultimately have to do with a tattoo. But she's short and wee so her back tattoo is festive. But not so wee you hate her because she looks like she snorts coke in her free time. She runs the Relay For Life thingee and shamelessly recruits folk to give money. She smokes and lets me inhale her second hand smoke and doesn't think that's wierd. I even told her about my deal with God, about the not-smoking deal, anyway. Her response?

"You don't fuck with God, man."

Ah. A chica after my own heart.

She listens to Radiohead, Franz Ferdinand and Britney Spears. She's a self-proclaimed slut. Has a problem keeping her pants on during the first date. She has cool shoes. Not as cool as mine, naturally, but I give them a definite thumbs up. She owns cats and thinks making them dance is unbearably funny.

She is me! (Minus the slut bit. I'm alsways intrigued by those of the permiscuous nature. Not being so inclined makes the idea of fucking somebody on a first date unheard of. My skin used to crawl when people touched me, so that put a bit of a damper on the sex bit.)

Now that I've frightened everyone away by being ever so excited about my new friend, you have to understand that it's so very rare that I make acquaintances and then progress from fun smoke buddy or work buddy to festive come over to my house and watch tv friend. I love being friends with boys but someone always ends up liking one more than the other. And girls tend to grate on my nerves. So new, cool, festive, super friends are hard to come by.

So anyway. I have a new friend and I'm staying in Little Rock and keeping my current job and enrolling in school and getting my VERY OWN FIRST APARTMENT WHERE I HAVE TO SHARE NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, WITH ANYONE and my friends are awesome and hilarious and though they tend to wreck cars and give people heartattacks, I love them anyway and I'm happy.

6 comments:

sqg said...

You make your cats dance!?!
-LMAO

Hmmmm, 4 inch heels and a new slutty friend. w00t!
You go girl! :)

Happiness afterall, is what it's all about.
Good for you birdie! :)

Joey said...

Birdie,

Congrats on the new apt - when are you officially moving in?

And though it might creep people out about how you went on about the new friend - I understand. It's so hard to "make friends" once you're all grown up and out of school - especially another female friend! So congrats on your new friendship, that's awesome!

Enjoy it all babe, life seems to be running smoothly!

Carl from L.A. said...

I found your blog awhile back and have been lurking/reading for awhile.

Just want to let you know that I thoroughly enjoy it. You write well. Thanks for a great blog.

meghansdiscontent said...

Enrolling in school?
Umm . . . say again?

Explain how the people you talk to on a daily basis don't know these things but utter strangers do?

What school, is this like the graduate thing you and Kasi decided to do and then dropped out?

Explain please, preferably before dinner tonight. We're supposed to be fag hags tonight. Interested in only their lives. We can't pretend to have lives of our own.

Anonymous said...

Despite your protestations in earlier threads birdie...are you sure your not a dyke lol?

Oh...and ''THE MONKEY'S ARE COMING! THE MONKEY'S ARE COMING!''

Please...i cant be bothered to interpret it...help me out?

duckie said...

i like your words.